When you’re transgender or rather, alive, things can look rather bleak. It’s important to sacrifice the ego for the sake of the whole. The ego cannot stand to get lashed and will scream out in the name of fairness, but the world, sadly does not care about fairness. Often, we will continue if we just resign ourselves to the whole unfairness of the thing and plod on. I’ll continue to deal with the settlement of my divorce and the slings and arrows vexed against me. I’ll do this without seeing my children as the counter to the left ticks up. I’ll pay a thousand here, a thousand there. I think it would be one thing to finance someone indefinitely if I could hold my children now and again. That would definitely be one thing, a thing that I don’t have.
I wonder if they wonder if I’ve been broken by the whole affair. I try and keep a stiff spine and keep up my fight, but it’s restlessly hard work. I try and keep smiling, but it’s difficult. I know I’ll be back to smiling soon.
I once thought that I could reach some still beating part of the soul of my adversaries and show them my pain, but that piece likely does not exist. They are so emboldened with rage and contempt against me that there is nothing left. They keep my crying, lost child from his one time father out of spite and war.
I’m not really sure why I’ve been cursed with this path for the last year. I suppose because I can walk it. Someone out there knows that I won’t be broken. I’ll keep walking through the lashes to show others that they need not give up either. We’ve got to hold hands and goad each other on beside us. We’ve got to pick up our fellow man or woman because we’re in battle.
Give me your hands, and I’ll carry you forward. They cannot stop us from living the lives that we know we deserve. When your father calls you a faggot and strikes you, give me your hand. When your mother disowns you, give me your hand. When your church reviles you, give me your hand. When your insurance company spurns you, give me your hand. When it seems like the ground itself doesn’t want you, give me your hand.
We’ll make it through.