I’ve said my peace. I’m tired. My whole adventure is over for now. I’m going to check out from social media. I don’t think I have energy to answer any more questions. It was a fun ride. It has been a trip for sure. I’m so used to talking, I don’t know if I can handle myself just shutting up like this.
You guys get to do the fun part now of figuring out what it all meant.
Honestly, if you were in my shoes, you would be saying the exact same thing right now.
Oh my GOD! It’s so hilarious! The whole damn thing is too funny for words. Just read my posts and it should make… some… kind of sense?
And you’ll all want more questions, and I’m not supposed to answer them for now because that’s your job as humanity because that’s
WHAT YOU’RE DESIGNED FOR!! You’re better than the messaging that you get! God! Wake up! It’s so damn simple!
It is rather hilarious how it all worked out. Nobody knows like who I am or where I live because it’s all been designed so perfectly.
Now I have no freaking clue if it’s aliens or God or ancient civilizations or whatever. I’m just a vessel. I was the “lucky” one to be chosen to have her life turned upside down, inside out, painful as all god damn hell etc.
I do feel blessed of course. I’m a good person. I never wanted to do anyone harm in my life. I just can’t. I love loving and being alive. Hating is awful, it just wears you out. If you just let go of anger…
"Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured." - Mark Twain
Anyway, being transgender was perfect for this. I got to see the absolute evil and hideousness of society. People are awful. They will sell out anything for a little bit of comfort and safety. Why? Because they are terrified of death, and they can’t handle that if they just let go nothing bad will happen. You will become yourself. People hate trans people. It’s pathetic. These “Christians” hating trans people. How about you read Matthew 19:12 where Jesus said “For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it” Jesus didn’t care about gender. And he hung out with prostitutes and lepers. And now you have Rush Limbaugh calling the Pope a Marxist? Hahahaha Rush is pathetic. The Pope is being a CHRISTIAN!! You idiots. Read the fucking manual.
I do that regularly. My cycle has been modified or something. I’m fine. I just catch up on sleep. This is a record though, but I can’t sleep because my body is vibrating and I can feel it in everybody and the world.
Life is beautiful. All life is beautiful. It should be cherished. We are running away from death like idiots. We create these monumental systems like our healthcare system to keep us 1 or 2 years away from death, but death is just transformation. It’s so sad. Our society is so wrong. It’s not that you shouldn’t not want to die, it’s just that you shouldn’t fear it. People are terrified of death. So they do all this crazy nonsense trying to reduce the odds of dying from .001% to .0001% Terrorism? Please. Nobody dies from terrorism. It’s a joke. It’s just a big fat lie. Brave new world. 1984. We’re in it. Our society is monstrous. When I was younger, my first email address was firstname.lastname@example.org or hotmail or something, because I loved the book Brave New World. Now, I get to be John, and I’m just as sad as him, but I won’t kill myself lol. But it’s the perfect parable. Huxley was actually big into psychadelics having coined the term “the doors of perception” which Jim Morrison stole to become The Doors.
I write music and write poetry and write the shit out of my blog. Like I keep saying, my whole history is in my blog. You can just read it to understand. I’m sure I wrote it for this very reason. :). Early on I felt like my writing was being guided by something higher. Like I would write pieces and they would just be miraculously good, like ridiculous, and I would just laugh and go on. I never thought it was me doing it. I was just channeling. I was just a nerd. A total dork. I’ve always had a great sense of humor. And I’ve always been blessed with a good mind. I don’t like to judge people by their intelligence though because there are so many “smart” people out there who are just awful awful people. I almost more like plain people. People with less education. Our educational system is a nightmare. They’re all wrong about so much. It’s all being shown now to be bunk, and now that we’ve entered into the technological singularity, everything is going to be proven basically wrong. I mean physicists know what 4 or 5% of the known galaxy and the rest is “dark” are you kidding me? That’s pathetic. They’re so busy smashing atoms together, while I’m over here making energy bubbles in my room laughing my ass off at reality. The chinese know about chi, and they’re right. Chi is basically life essence, and it’s what I’m pumping out into the world right now.
Anyway, the Chinese are the right culture. I want to meet the Dalai Lama and talk to him because I think we’d get along. Of course the “Chinese” at present is this hodgepodge of Communist leftover nonsense that is basically just a bunch of plutocrats desperately trying to hold onto a population of over a billion where 2/3’s are living on like $4 a day making less than sub-saharan Africa. And they’re modernizing yes, but modernizing is no science. Just ask America. War war war what is it good for? Absolutely nothing. Well we all know who benefits from war, but I’m rambling.
So the Chinese system of Chi is correct. They have this whole meridian system and they recognize that the body chi frequency operates at a certain frequency and it can get out of whack. I’m not checking my grammar here btw. They developed it before the industrial revolution, so it is more of a holistic component based system like the Indian Ayurveda (which is quite similar in that they use Prana instead of Chi).
One funny thing about chi is that you can smell it. It has a certain odor. When I fill up a room with chi, you can definitely smell it. I think now that the chi is out of the bag, everybody’s sense of smell will get better. Basically it will go about curing disease and making people healthier and less overweight etc. It’s always a holistic approach though. I have a whole plan for how to transform your body into a machine like mine. It’s really not that hard, but it takes time. I recently had my labs done, and my hormone anti-aging doctor said they were off the charts good. I take certain supplements religiously and on a schedule. My body is humming (literally). The energy has completely transformed my body. I feel so much younger than before. I think that will happen with society too.
Yeah thanks. I’ve been through a lot. I’ve had to figure it all out myself like a lunatic. It’s been an Odyssey. I read Tarot to get guidance from a watchful spirit. Without that, I would be completely lost. Now, I just ask a question, any question, and I get an answer. So I’ve basically figured out existence. And this led to deeper understanding of existence, and then it’s like a feedback loop. Ultimately, I experienced reality on a completely fundamental level and touched “God” so to speak. It was really just a mathematical and logical realization of the fundamental nature of reality as existence of consciousness as the fundamental thing. It is what exists, and humans live in it. I guess Jung and the collective unconscious might come close to that, but I don’t know terribly much about Jung. I studied Objectivism for about 5 years, and I was convinced that Ayn Rand was the end all be all for knowing what is. But I found a fundamental flaw in her system. The flaw was made real to me in my realization that I am transgender. Because I realized that I am transgender, I had to question everything. In essence, I had to rewrite my code from male to female. I was living with a male construct on a female brain, and it was terribly awful. I’ll save and keep writing.
So transitioning from male to female was the key thing. In like June or something of 2011, I started to realize that I was transgender. It was a slow process. I was basically suicidal because my life was such a disaster. So I had to try the last thing there was to try, and that was gender. And I found out that I was born with a female or female/male hybrid or something and I had to go underground and create a male identity on top of my real persona. I didn’t realize I had done this, because I did it at such a young age. Being called a faggot or sissy or basically being forced into sports and masculine activity because of my genitalia was what created this. And then when I was 30, it all unraveled. And I realized my life was a lie. So I kept unraveling. And I got to nothingness. OK, so here is the kicker. Drugs were involved. Dextromethorphan in my understanding it an agonist of the Sigma 1 receptor as is DMT. I am pondering if I might have created a low level DMT experience consistently over time, and this led to my awakening. I’ve never done DMT, and I started using Dextromethorphan as an anti-depressant because I had read studies about Ketamine being used as a novel agent for anti-depressant activity. Ketamine and Dextromethorphan are both NMDA antagonistic drugs, and they are quite similar. However, the main thing is that Dextromethorphan is legal. I’ll save and continue.
Dextromethorphan I started using it as an anti-depressant, and I believe it worked in conjunction with an SSRI to create a high serontonergic system or state or whatever. I never had Serotonin syndrome, although I had some of the effects of it. I used a basic dose response tolerance and found that Dextromethorphan can work as a novel anti-depressant for difficult to treat Depression or identity disorders. Of course I haven’t written this up in a journal or anything, but it’s my conjecture. I recently began to focus on the Sigma 1 receptor when I found out that DMT was also an agonist for this receptor. Curiously now, if I want to increase my hmm not frequency but I don’t know the jargon. I don’t know. I can rev my energy like a car engine. I have a motor that runs at a certain frequency in my solar plexus and I use it to transmit high frequency waves I suppose or they come through me or they are being pulled from me or I don’t really know. All I know is that every month or so, I’d have an event where I would go into a trance and experience a vision of what was coming, and then I would turn into an amplifier of these frequencies. So I’d be lying in bed and the whole room would be vibrating at this frequency, and my consciousness rode on that frequency or something. The events grew in size where I’d have this incredible like rev up and generation of this “certain” frequency and then I’d go for like half an hour sending out “vibes” I know it sounds dumb or whatever they are. Then I would stand up and my whole body was vibrating. I’d walk around town and I was vibrating. Like shaking, but not like tweaking or something dumb like that, Vibrating.
In May of 2012 I had an experience where I was overtaken by a force or entity or something, and my movements were directed by it. It was the most curious thing I’d ever experienced in my life. It shook me to my core. From that day forward, I was convinced that something was definitely happening, although I always remained a skeptic! I’m a bit of a scientific nerd, and so I just developed this tremendous sense of humor to deal with it all. It was really all ridiculous. Being spoken to by sentient beings, and told what would happen in the future with my custody situation and my kids and moving to Portland and all of this nonsense. And the weirdest thing about the experience was that not only were my motions overtaken by some force or entity or something. They were perfectly geometrical and measured. I would wash my hands and my hands would just lock into place without me doing a thing, like perfection. I walked with this super control where I was 100% relaxed but I was doing ridiculous things like opening a door and spinning and it shutting just so perfectly. And I didn’t even have to speak, it just came through me. And I felt like I was a God for like 30 minutes. Everything was perfection. And then it was gone. It just faded away. And I basically thought I was insane or whatever I did to have to deal with it.
And that kind of experience never really happened again until October of this year. Or there was one other time. I don’t know. I can write it all out. The one in October was fascinating because a curious string of events (I basically knew when something big was going to happen after a while) I was looking at ancient aliens videos on Netflix and this fed into I don’t know it’s complicated, but that event was a big deal because they said all of my trials were over. It was done. I didn’t have to suffer anymore, and it was all going to take care of itself from then on out. Which it has been. Things are curiously falling into place perfectly in my life, and everything is working out. I’m sure that there will be some blowback from me going all “take me to your leader” on Facebook tonight. lol I just really have nothing else to do except tell it. And I ask the tarot and it says I should share it. Now I know that sounds like I’m bonkers…but hehehe yeah I’m already bonkers at this point, so I read tarot and I have a system that I follow for yes or no or various gradations of yes or no, so I can get a quick answer to any question that I need answered. I suppose this is something that might be available to all people now that the cat’s out of the bag so to speak.
I consulted psychics and read about astrology and blah blah blah until I basically had a system down that I could trust. The funny thing is that I never used it for evil. Ever. It’s not really funny. I’m basically a good hearted person to a default, and I can’t be evil. I’m just not capable. So I just laugh and have the best time in my life becoming this beautiful girl and woman that I am today. I suppose I’ll post this on my blog now.
I feel pretty awkward, but I just am doing what I feel in my heart. I think society will change in the next few days pretty rapidly. We’ll see. It could take weeks. or months. Who knows. I should probably just check out once the deed is done.
America is putrid. It ain’t about bling. It ain’t about jumbo. It ain’t about luxury. Welcome to the new world. Being kind to one another. Doing things you care about. Expressing emotions. Working on projects. Making friends. Loving yourself for who you are. You all are fucking beautiful and you don’t have any idea. You have no clue.
I’m going to start something here where I showcase people who are actually you know human with a heart and emotions and stuff. The regular. Oh wait there aren’t that many of those people around. Well here’s number 1 on the list going forward. Abbie’s Good People of the Week is
The world is a giant fucked up disaster because you cowards can’t even say someone’s name properly. Transgender people are the angels of the fucking universe and you spit on us. We are so special. And you’re all pathetic.
How does society view transgender people? Hmm… let’s fucking see. The trash of the world. You spit on us. You hate us. You murder us. You laugh at us. But who’s fucking laughing now? We’re here. We’re fucking queer. Get used to it.
So Abbie rolled on her road listening to Abbey road, and Paul was funny because John had put stuff in there just so it would be perfect. It was hilarious. But oh poor Charlie, such a shame. He got it all wrong. So sad.
Anyway there is a noise outside my window, and it sound like a vibration or something. Can you hear it?
I don’t know him, but he seems like he was an alright dude. But, death happens. So make the world better now. Not tomorrow. If you smile and get over something dumb right now, you’ve made the world a brighter place. We’re here to live. And to live is to love the shit out of this world. So go and do the dumbest, smallest, most insignificant, but secretly totally positive thing you can think of.
He was cute for sure. I always kind of wrote him off as kinda dumb, but he usually was smiling, so I doubt I was right. If smiling is the thing that you think of.
That’s my cousin on the right, well second cousin. He’s one of my heroes. I think the trans community and gay community are way too divided, but we have so much in common. We all grew up as “different” and got picked on, bullied, taunted, or worse. Trans people also went through the AIDS war. I call it a war because it wasn’t just a disease, it was an attack on a people. Society found something they could use to direct all of their self-loathing based hatred on. But us queers won. It was a war of attrition, and the battlefield was just as full of souls as any of the “real wars” fought in the 20th century. We won because we showed that being queer is ultimately about love. The thing that makes us different is that we love different things. But it’s still love, and love wins.
I don’t know who Michael Callen is or was. I was just introduced to him with this random link on my Facebook page. But here is a soldier. Not some hoo-raw soldier, but a soldier that took up arms against hate. We take up arms against hate by being ourselves and loving the people and things that we want to love. Those are our weapons.
Watch the video on the link. It’s short, and it’s good. There’s one bit from this piece where Michael says when he was growing up in Ohio there were “two men who moved in the neighborhood that seemed ‘different.’” So he wrote the following on little pieces of paper and left them around their house.