I always had a voice. But the voice couldn’t speak when it wanted, so I found other ways of communicating and expressing myself. But recently, I’ve come back to writing, and I’ve been taken with the insatiable obsession to write a blog and put all of my thoughts onto a page. I’ve pursued it as I pursue most hobbies, with obsession. I’m an obsessive person, but I try and focus it now. I pursue things on an almost subconscious level. When you’re not fighting your body, your body can do wonderful things for you. That might sound lurid or odd, but my point is that the body must be respected as an equal part to the mind, and it must not be sold out by the mind.
I had to sacrifice my body to society, but it’s coming back, and one of the side effects is I get to pursue my hobbies with all the more verve. Being aligned and powerful is so much more effective than being incongruent and misaligned. Before I was always so self-censorious. It was awful. Everything had to be run through a system of checks to be cleared for the surface. It was like being a living, breathing bureaucracy.
So now, after The Event, I’m actually just not censoring. That’s pretty much all that’s changed. The Thing in the Box was The Thing in the Box. I just saw myself for who I really was, from birth, my true me, and I really liked myself. So you have this personality in a box, let me run with the metaphor, and you have to make the decision of “hey, my real self is a million times better than this fake crap I’ve been working so hard to create” should I put it back in the box?
Yes, I put it back in the box, no I didn’t. Fooled you! … I get to be me now, and that’s really cool. All the makeup and clothes and voice and everything is just the window dressing, so I can let that person in the box live in the real world.