Chaos erupts as Gays arrested when Porterville votes to rescind pride proclamation →

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This is a little town near where I grew up. These rednecks are so embarrassing. The Mayor gave a proclamation calling June “LGBT Pride Month." Well these bigots weren’t comfortable with that, what with all them swishy light in the loafer boys from San Francisco lookin’ to stir up trouble in blessed little Porterville.

To me they just look like this idiot:

"Segregation Now! Segregation Forever!"

Of course at least George Wallace took back his hate in his older years. Good for him. But these hate-mongers. Yeah, they’re a startin’ a fresh!

Where do we go as Americans unwanted?

Who will stand with us when we cannot stand? Who will breathe for us when we cannot breathe? Who will hug us when we cannot lift our heads? Who will feed us when we cannot open our mouths? Who will sing to us when we cannot smile? Who will laugh with us, when we cannot open our eyes?

I will. I will. I will be there, because I had no one. Now I won’t let this happen to you. You will not be alone. You will have a hand to hold when the ship is going down. You will have a song to hear when the water is at your ankles. You will have a joke to hear when you think all is lost.

All is never lost. There is always one more smile to smile.

Abbie

UFC Quickly Suspends Transphobic Fighter →

“Because she’s [Fallon] not a he. He’s a he,” he said. “He’s chromosomally a man. He had a gender change, not a sex change. He’s still a man. He was a man for 31 years. Thirty-one years. That’s a couple years younger than I am. He’s a man. Six years of taking performance de-hancing drugs, you think is going to change all that? That’s ridiculous… .That is a lying, sick, sociopathic, disgusting freak, and I mean that. Because you lied on your license to beat up women. That’s disgusting… ."

Oh sweet irony. Who is the real sociopath here? Oh and 6 years of steroids would definitely put you into a different class. It works both ways, caveman…

Open Your Eyes

If you take a pill just to cure your thoughts to fall back in line to sell out your childhood wishes you deserve what shit life dishes.

Get out of line! Leave the trough and follow your vision! Make peace with the universe and let justice be your mission.

Your chains are your own. They scare you with lies. You quietly bow while they monopolize.

People are special we’ve invented a new race, a spineless post-human, universal disgrace.

Fight with your heart. Take it back from the slavers.

If you open your eyes, you are a history maker.

#QueerPride

Who dat?
I still have dreams where it’s difficult for me to be female. I’m working out a lot of issues in my dreams. They tend to have a lot to do with middle school and high school. Recently, I’m starting to get respect in my dreams for my female status. The bullies that once scared the shit out of me are now starting to be my friends. In my waking state, I’ve basically decided that the binary is a bunch of BS, and I can be male or female if I want to. This seems to have unlocked something in my dreams. In effect, allowing myself to be male-ish in my real life has allowed my dream self to be more female. Where’s Freud when you need him?
You know I’m really an explorer through and through. I love the hard stuff, like the emotions that you aren’t supposed to confront. I ran kicking and screaming from my male existence, but now I’m having fun with it. In life, no ideas are really that scary. When you look at them up close, funny and magical things happen. 
I’m going back to my emotional/gender spelunking. I’ll report back when I find some more fun.

Who dat?

I still have dreams where it’s difficult for me to be female. I’m working out a lot of issues in my dreams. They tend to have a lot to do with middle school and high school. Recently, I’m starting to get respect in my dreams for my female status. The bullies that once scared the shit out of me are now starting to be my friends. In my waking state, I’ve basically decided that the binary is a bunch of BS, and I can be male or female if I want to. This seems to have unlocked something in my dreams. In effect, allowing myself to be male-ish in my real life has allowed my dream self to be more female. Where’s Freud when you need him?

You know I’m really an explorer through and through. I love the hard stuff, like the emotions that you aren’t supposed to confront. I ran kicking and screaming from my male existence, but now I’m having fun with it. In life, no ideas are really that scary. When you look at them up close, funny and magical things happen.

I’m going back to my emotional/gender spelunking. I’ll report back when I find some more fun.

So….

I post a video to YouTube, that I’m posting next, but I put some tags at the bottom when I submitted it, right? I put transgender, trans, and LGBT. Here are the “recommended tags" from YouTube:

I’m sorry, but I am not a Drag Queen. Google, adjust your goggles and learn a thing or two about transgender women.

:P

World: noun. Dumb planet orbiting the Sun. (Angry Trans-Girl Ranting)

Dammit, going out and being trans is like letdown central even in liberal Portland. Maybe I’m just not attractive, but I’m tired of being the “odd" one who tells good jokes but is not “material." Sheesh. I got it goin’ on up in here right? Right?… Whatever. I guess I need that damn surgery or something. I’m just venting. I had a crappy day, and I gotta get my stupid life together. I kind of hate the world today. Everyone is so fucking scared to just be honest, because they’re all scared of their life falling apart without a safety net in this country.

I have “the haters" in my life walking around like they’re “holier than thou" around the sad, weirdo trans-girl. I’m making friends like nothing in Portland cause I’m definitely not afraid to chat people up. But something is missing. I know I need to get my habits in order. They are NOT helping.

OMG, I’m rambling like a methhead in the hardware section of Wal-Mart at 2 in the morning. Someone get this girl some oxygen, stat.

I don’t know where my life is going. I know what excites me. I know what knocks me down, but I’m just so confused right now. The Great Spirit in the sky has graced me with one hell of a terrible hand in the cosmic poker game in the last 2 years. Bluffing time!

I take a lot of this back. All of my problems are not caused by other people, but they sure aren’t helping. Transgender people are more and more accepted in America these days, but there is an angry mob of right wing zombies at the gate, looking to eat Dysphoric brains. Wow that was an odd metaphor.

When’s it all going to turn around for me? I DON’T KNOW!

I guess I’ll go play some guitar and yell a lot.

To the young ones

Listen my chronologically challenged young brothers and sisters. Life is hard. Hate is all around us. Sometimes you can’t expect life to be good. There are times when you will have to walk alone and be ridiculed and laughed at. We are working to change this. Don’t give up! Keep walking to us on the other side of the valley. You will make it. I’ve been made to feel less than human more times than I can count, but I kept on walking. I’m still walking, but I’ve grown stronger. Sometimes life is a test, and you must respond to this with courage. We will cheer you on. We will speak for you. Although I don’t know your names, I know you in spirit. We are one heart, one love. Stay strong and have peace.

Bullied Gay Teen Hangs Himself in Oregon Schoolyard →

This is the result of the intolerance and subtle condemnation against the LGBT community. These are some of the brightest lights among our youth, and they are dropping like flies because they don’t get the extraordinary support that they need. Stop the bullies. Your tacit endorsement of their hatred fuels this kind of tragedy.

“In keeping silent about evil, in burying it so deep within us that no sign of it appears on the surface, we are implanting it, and it will rise up a thousand fold in the future. When we neither punish nor reproach evildoers, we are not simply protecting their trivial old age, we are thereby ripping the foundations of justice from beneath new generations.”

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

gay teen

Things I can’t handle

So I was in Target tonight, and I picked out a few toys and some Valentine’s day cards for my boys. Here’s one of them:

I hope they are playing with the toys I got them for Christmas right now. I’m trying to remember what I got them, I think it was Thomas related, oh! I remember, I got my big buddy the movie Brave, that’s one. There was a bunch of stuff, anyway… Well this just got my mind going about how the last year has gone for me, since I think I retold the details about 5 times today. So…

I can handle that I haven’t received a picture in 8+ months even though I’ve pleaded for pictures too many times to count.

I can handle that I, well, don’t get to see them and haven’t for 8+ months even though I’ve asked for all kinds of simple ways of visitation even as small as an hour a week.

I can handle that I can’t even send a gift card to the other parent without hearing from the authorities.

I can handle that I can’t use specific words to describe myself online for various reasons.

I can handle that my parents, their grandparents haven’t seen them in just as long a time and haven’t seen pictures as well. This goes for Great Grandparents too.

I can handle that I have to pay extra support and attorney’s fees without seeing my kids to the point that I am pretty much strapped.

I can handle that I get no response from emails time after time again to the lawyer.

But…

The thing that I just can’t handle, and it breaks me up inside is that my boys are growing up only seeing one of their two parents. I just can’t handle that, and it makes me very, very sad. I wish I could give them back the year plus that it’s been, but that time’s gone. So, I’m moving on to Portland for a while, to get away from something I just can’t stand to see or even think about. I hope it helps.

Abbie

NARTH-affiliated Doc: Trans Individuals Deluded, Psychotic →

Wow what a nice “psychiatrist" Dr. Joseph Berger is:

"I suggest, indeed, letting children who wish go to school in clothes of the opposite sex - but not counselling other children to not tease them or hurt their feelings.

"On the contrary, don’t interfere, and let the other children ridicule the child who has lost that clear boundary between play-acting at home and the reality needs of the outside world.

"Maybe, in this way, the child will re-establish that necessary boundary.

Gosh, I wish he was my doc. Then I would just give up this silly charade of trying to be happy regardless of the hateful, patriarchal, and restrictive society out there. On Philosophical grounds, this position is so specious as to be laughable. Where would you draw this mythical boundary? Women wearing pants? Men with earrings? Who lets these idiots graduate from med school.

Oh, and he was affiliated with N.A.R.T.H or the National Association for Research and Therapy of Homosexuality that believe you can cure the gay…

So they don’t exist either. I’m feeling straighter and more cis already!