The World is unraveling one thread at a time

Why I am Lonely but not Alone

Tonight I sit in my room, alone, and without comfort except for that of the comfort of God. My transition from Mark to Abigail was a spiritual one. I was weak and troubled when I was Mark. I looked within to find my truth when around me chaos swirled, and hate was lobbed against me like mortars. I saw that I was pure. I saw that I was good. I saw that there is an eternal flame of truth which burns within each and every one of us, and I kindled it with the love of self-acceptance.

I hated God for most of my youth. I hated God, because God’s people hated me. They mostly did not know who I was on the inside because I hid it from them, but I knew that if I smiled as men are not supposed to do, I would have been stoned with deadly words of hatred and loathing. I knew that had I worn a skirt and felt beautiful, I would have been attacked. I would have been called Faggot! or Pervert! or Tranny! So I internalized this hatred, and I slouched when I walked. I feared God as a capricious arbiter of normality, a wanton despot of conformity. I feared God so that I ran from him and turned to the safety and security of drugs and alcohol.

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Somewhere ahead of the pack with a cute pink hammer

image

I’m  still trying to figure out how I feel about being thrust ahead of everyone else in terms of understanding the world by my studies and experiences. It might sound arrogant, but I’d use a word with less of a pejorative meaning. I just started listening to myself over others from a very young age. I tried to conform in my twenties, but that was a failure, and I’ve never really looked back from there.

Anyway, my understanding of the universe feels like it’s ahead of 99% of people, and I’m not terribly smarter than average. I suck at reading books; I can hardly concentrate without getting lost in thoughts and realizing I just “read” 3 pages that I can’t even remember. My math skills aren’t amazing, but I know where to go for answers. I can’t program worth a damn except for scripting. But, because I listen to my own conscience, I’ve been able to throw a lot of terrible, time-wasting, and self-destructive ideas out.

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My Spiritual/Religious Altar:
The Dude or El Duderino: if you’re not into the whole brevity thing. If you click the link you’ll be taken to Dudeism.com which pretty much speaks for itself.
Zen Cat: I’m not a capital B Buddhist, but I am largely aligned with the beliefs that Siddhartha originated. I believe that life is primarily a challenge where suffering is natural and cannot be eliminated. I believe that we must find balance in all things to achieve inner peace and enlightenment.
Buddy Christ: I was raised as a Protestant Christian. My dad was actually a Baptist Minister for a few years, so my youth was bathed in the messages of Christianity, for better or worse. Also, my extended family is Christian. I like the tongue in cheek nature of Buddy Christ, and I personally believe Jesus would have thought it was hilarious. I take from Christianity what I like. I think the current state of Christianity is abhorrent and is more interested in perpetuating the success of its religion than living according to the teachings of Jesus. In many respects if you want to live according to Jesus, you should do the opposite of what many modern Christians do. This is really sad. Also Jesus really didn’t give a fuck if you were gender non-conforming. He preceded Lady Gaga by 2,000 years when he said:

“For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”  Matthew 19:12 NIV

Sekmhet: “In Egyptian mythology, Sekhmet was originally the warrior goddess as well as goddess of healing for Upper Egypt. She is depicted as a lioness, the fiercest hunter known to the Egyptians. It was said that her breath formed the desert. She was seen as the protector of the pharaohs and led them in warfare.” I picked this statue up the other day. This bad-ass is the symbol of me going back to fight for my kids. Look out!

My Spiritual/Religious Altar:

  • The Dude or El Duderino: if you’re not into the whole brevity thing. If you click the link you’ll be taken to Dudeism.com which pretty much speaks for itself.
  • Zen Cat: I’m not a capital B Buddhist, but I am largely aligned with the beliefs that Siddhartha originated. I believe that life is primarily a challenge where suffering is natural and cannot be eliminated. I believe that we must find balance in all things to achieve inner peace and enlightenment.
  • Buddy Christ: I was raised as a Protestant Christian. My dad was actually a Baptist Minister for a few years, so my youth was bathed in the messages of Christianity, for better or worse. Also, my extended family is Christian. I like the tongue in cheek nature of Buddy Christ, and I personally believe Jesus would have thought it was hilarious. I take from Christianity what I like. I think the current state of Christianity is abhorrent and is more interested in perpetuating the success of its religion than living according to the teachings of Jesus. In many respects if you want to live according to Jesus, you should do the opposite of what many modern Christians do. This is really sad. Also Jesus really didn’t give a fuck if you were gender non-conforming. He preceded Lady Gaga by 2,000 years when he said:

For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.”  Matthew 19:12 NIV

  • Sekmhet: “In Egyptian mythology, Sekhmet was originally the warrior goddess as well as goddess of healing for Upper Egypt. She is depicted as a lioness, the fiercest hunter known to the Egyptians. It was said that her breath formed the desert. She was seen as the protector of the pharaohs and led them in warfare.” I picked this statue up the other day. This bad-ass is the symbol of me going back to fight for my kids. Look out!

Growing Up Religious while Transgender

   I had a conversation today with a friend of mine, and it made me think. I started to think about my history with the church which I’ve largely blocked out. My dad was a pastor for a while when I was about 1-5 years old. I come from a long line of pastors. My great-great x6 or so grandfather was Richard Waterman, a first wave colonist landing in about 1630 in New England. He co-founded the first Baptist Church in America in Providence Rhode Island. My religious heritage and upbringing has hurt, helped, and molded me as a transgender woman in ways I respect and in many ways I’m trying to heal.

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34% say First Amendment goes too far | First Amendment Center – news, commentary, analysis on free speech, press, religion, assembly, petition →

luthiermark:

americanhumanist:

Among the other details in this survey:

· Over half of respondents strongly or mildly agree that the Constitution establishes a Christian nation
· 36% can’t name any of the 5 rights listed in the First Amendment
· 25% said that musicians should not be able to use lyrics others find offensive

"Over half of respondents strongly or mildly agree that the Constitution establishes a Christian nation"

Over half.

OVER…HALF!!!


Yeah…just ignore that part of the First Amendment that explicitly says the opposite, guys. No biggie.

I often wonder if people in other countries are as ignorant and daft about their respective places of habitation as americans are of their own. It’s a frightening thought, though. I don’t care to contemplate it for very long.

People are monstrously stupid in America. 50%+ of people think the Constitution establishes a Christian nation?? Umm here is the 1st god damned amendment!:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances"

America is one giant Facepalm

(via wilwheaton)

United States of Boredom

America is a sad place. There is no room for variation here. People are desperately trying to be “normal” left and right. Even those people who appear to be individuals often are just trying to mimic some lesser social norm or subgroup. I don’t know why this is necessarily. I suppose it has something to do with industrialization or something. But it’s a terribly rigid and boring place. You are all fucking boring me to tears. And it’s not that I haven’t tried to find interesting things; I have. No one has the intelligence or education necessary to be remotely distinctive in a constructive manner. It’s not enough to just say “I’m acting differently.” One should be distinctive for logical reasons such as by utilizing inherent talents. America is a wasteland of beige homogeneity. All I can do is sleep. At least my dreams are more interesting than this dystopia.

I used to be fascinated with the character John from the novel Brave New World. He was an outsider that got to view that particular dystopia through foreign eyes. He saw the banality and artificiality of it all. Now I know why I idealized him so; I am he. Humanity deserves what it gets. You can’t run a world without education. Sending people through diploma mills is not true education. One must be autodidactic (a self learner).

Living life with maybe only a handful of peers among millions is quite miserable. I try and make friends, but they are not peers. They are riddled with fear. Fear is the true American drug. We profess to have “no fear” when in reality we wouldn’t know what to do without it. And what are we supposed to be afraid of? Death? I believe in reincarnation and a benevolent universe. How am I supposed to be afraid of death? Am I supposed to be frightened of a 3rd grade level bogeyman like The Devil? Ooooh I’m shaking!

Whatever. Keep marching in a circle. Don’t look behind the curtain. Don’t miss your regularly prescribed medication. If you get anxious, just turn up the volume on your flat screen TV a few notches. Don’t worry. It is all under control.

I think a few people are starting to wake up to what’s really going on, but I woke up a long time ago. This society forced me to wake up because it labeled me a faggot and a pervert and a weirdo. Fine, try and figure out what’s going on people. I’ll be over here waiting for you when you wise up.

Here are my clues: General fear is an awful drug and is not natural. There is an energetic, immaterial soul or spirit. Christianity might have started OK, but it’s been a fear factory for about 1500 years. Buddhism is pretty close, but Buddha was not a Buddhist. Intuition works. Life resets when you die.

That should get you started.

Being non-Christian and experiencing Spirituality

I hate how Christians have this double standard that says if you are experiencing any kind of mystical or spiritual experience, you might be off your rocker. The Christian church is built on mystical experience. Practically all of the saints experienced something like this. I guess if you don’t go to church on Sunday, your experiences are invalid.

The Spirit

   It’s Sunday, and that means quite a lot of people are going in and out of church room doors. I have no fight with them, but I have a different angle, and it does conflict with theirs on some root level.

   When I think of people going to church, I think of someone getting all dressed up and nice so that he or she can parade around amongst the other pompadours. I think about a folksy white man with a smile on his face that looks like he just sent his teeth through the car wash. I think about chit chatting and yabbering and gossiping and all of that stuff. And, I suppose I think about the message of Jesus as well.

   However, that message tends to get about as far as a worn out flier that’s been trampled on outside of the church about to swim into the sewer. Jesus hold your breath!

   I am not a Christian. I like Jesus, but I honestly believe that if Jesus were alive today, he wouldn’t go to these churches. I think he’d just say “I don’t have time for this nonsense,” and just walk away. Does anyone who’s all dressed up in their Sunday best on this Memorial Day weekend actually take the time to read what Jesus had to say? I’m not going to get into some sort of theological debate-a-thon here, because I’d probably lose, and I have no qualms about that. I think any fool can see the hypocrisy of the modern Christian churches and their messages when put up against what the man who is in the name of their religion actually said and did.

   Jesus championed the poor and downtrodden, and we have a surplus of that in this country. We are overrun with poverty and people of no means. There is a whole class of people that try and live day to day in this country, and they are scraping by, and often, more often than not, they are dying. They are left to their diseases of diabetes and malnutrition. They have nothing.

   I don’t know what religion is for, but for me, it’s about the day to day. It’s about the struggle. It’s about trying to just put one foot in front of another. I don’t even like the word religion, I just go with spirit. Something pushes me forward. Something helps me move. And I’m very glad that it does. That’s the spirit for me.

Mark Steel: Just because you're an atheist doesn't make you rational →

I’m sorry, but Atheists are annoying as Lisa Simpson sometimes. We get that you don’t believe in god or gods or whatever. But you have to come with a more detailed Metaphysics than that. Just saying “I am an atheist” does not give you a comprehensive worldview, nor does it answer fundamental, unsolved questions about reality.

Report: US Protestants lose majority status →

I think there is a fascinating change going on in the United States. I bet if you took these percentages from people 30 years old and younger, the number of unaffiliated would be very high. A lot of people don’t realize how dead organized religion is in Europe compared to the US. We just take it for granted that most people say they attend church or temple or what have you. Now we get to hear the haters say how much they hate people that say they are “spiritual but not religious.” I’m sorry, capital R Religion dropped the ball a looooong time ago. We grew up through Reagan and Bush squared and our eyes just about roll out of our heads when we hear someone talking about fundamentalism or protestantism.

That being said! God is not dead. Sorry Nietzsche; it’s just that the understanding and the metaphysics of spirituality is undergoing a paradigm shift, a BIG one.