i die in the end

When I dreamed of Roosevelt

When I dreamed of Roosevelt
laying in my unmade bed
the light addressed my lonely head
and made me circumspect

And then the old and crippled man
whose vision danced and made me sad
was all America had learned instead
and tears were in my dreams of lead

Oh poems write themselves today
There’s not a pain that goes away
There’s only sorrow signed with dread
When people’s riots join me

They say I’m mad cause I’m trangender
but then I think I’m yet disabled
And all it takes to bridge the day
is crying in my dress someway

I’m rolling in my emotional wheelchair
I’m listening to some mournful strings
there’s not a person anywhere
whose smile warmness to me brings

I’ll call the flowers softly
I’ll let the pain unfurl
I’ll miss my William dearly
and sit and ride the world

more

You people don’t get it.
There is something more.
You’re lost and resplendent
and fluttering fore
You’re all just unending
and placid and more
there’s no sense in thinking
it’s “hey what’s the score?”
go fucks up your bounties
you’ve all hit the floor
screaming more
more
More
MORE
MORE!!!
MOARRRRRR

and what for?
you’ve lost your senses
and HATE HITS THE DOOR
but it’s still just a present
and a match on the poor
so SCORE
MORE
for
.

Because

Because you can
because the dream was empty when you woke up screaming
believing all the sages songs
were right
were right and yes!
you were the king
the old nobeled thing
the harked head angel ringed with wings
and songs where wrongs were paths to dawns
you sang
you sang
you sang the song

oh bitter ended pity’s pile
the place where shit gets sent so rightly

I
the fool
the anti-march
the little ghoul
say

sing
Sing
SING

let’s smile and shake the world again

Christmas in America

Drink this in remembrance of me
said Christmas in America
and overstepping bums like trash
who need and want and die like ash
is can you spare a dollar past
for Christmas in America

oh Jesus, Jesus! come and vent
let all the children feebly rent
what little left has not been spent
and huddle round the cindered tent

but oh oh the mistletoe
it’s 6am in the ghetto show
make sure the fuzz can’t hear your woe
for Christmas in America

can another die?
well jail is full, so bullets fly
but who really cares
he was probably high

so what’s around the Christmas tree?
the sparkled drenched nativity?
where Jesus mangered sinned for thee?
a little bit of pity rots
and all the bums back in their cots
slurring drink this in remembrance of me

heavy sighs

The sighs I leave here
as a transgender woman
are full of stares and glances
and so they fall
heavy like lead
to the dirty floor
where no one cares to look

The floor is full of heavy sighs
that once were buoyant
fresh from highs
but now are bloated bags of woe

I wonder if I’m living in the bonus round
since suicide was skipped
and now I’ve got the heady chore
of rounding up these memories
and instead of an epitaph
you’ve got a surly, pretty poet
singing requiems of time and place

so I’ll sing some song for those that passed
and catch their sighs up in this lonely glass

Untitled

I don’t love you anymore
and maybe I never did
because I’m shell-shocked
ravaged by the passage of terror
the little ticks against my eggshell
that left me cracked and rotten

the world has turned me into an entree
so I’ll dream of just desserts
writing poetry without titles
fending off the subtle hurts

In my hovel of a room
the little gnats go buzzing
if I had a microscope
I could see the dreams in their eyes

Walking

I’ll go walking in December
where it’s California, so it isn’t cold
but people freeze everywhere
and panhandlers wrangle with the concrete
singing songs of quarter, dollar, anything
like slugs in the salt rain, pained
their eyes the only unwrinkled thing left

I’ll go walking down Martin Luther
like a queen whose king surrendered
mouthing poems to the air
and people stop and stare thinking
what kind of gay is she?

I’ll go walking to the war
from my rented room in Berkeley
checking my car to ensure it hasn’t exploded
and who needs cars now anyway?
except the people who like leaves just fall

And so the girl who looks like men
the thing the preacher says is sin
the means before the dirty end
goes walking so the Earth can spin

Flying prayer

Because the world is round
I’m flying
Like a stone skipped
Charging
Through the ether
I’m returning
To somewhere my soul
Has once seen

I want to manufacture deja vu
So I’ll sleep in the air
The land of dreams

Come heal my vision
Oh ally thus.
Speak your dreads
To my sullied ears
So I might make a lovelorn spear
To raise a silly canticle
Yelling
Ahhhhhhhhh
Loooooooo
Haaaaaaaa

Millennial Me

Feeling like the teacher only ever disagrees
You’re the frozen in the moment
you’re the me
Walking through the forest
of the prison sea to sea
You’re the lightning
You’re the lovers
You’re the me

And all I’ve done
is run run run
just like the moon
afraid of the sun
Oh say can you see
Millennial me
under the gun

Waiting on the telephone
for some welfare and reprieve
she’s a cancer to the wealthy
she believes
She’s loaned out her future
for textbook conformity
but the wisdom in the classes
she can’t see

Save me from this feeling
that I’ve got no keys but too many locks
but I’ve never been found before I was lost
And make me a symphony
with my friends and my misery
they know there’s a line that has been crossed

And all I’ve done
is run run run
just like the moon
afraid of the sun
Oh say can you see
Millennial me
under the gun

Here is the Music Video of this poem

Silly Love Poem

We, some stumbled on girls’ desires
Our trees now shading one another
as they grow
met just a month ago
in a well needed storm
of love
and I’ve got troubles you say
but I’m just a magnet
dragged through some noisy metal
trying to reverse my polarity

And suffering each other’s sadness
we are mostly smiling
and singing new melodies
you with your keyboard
and me with my worn tones
harmony’s embrace

Oh love
the carpetbagger cartoon of lust
the peace
and stillness of four eyes entranced
dancing romance’s cue
just you
oh you
the girl I thought I’d never view

I hope I can be your savior with no cross
a breathing reminder
that they who lay in love
can never be lost

Millennial Me [Poem/Lyrics]

Feeling like the teacher
only ever disagrees
you’re the frozen
in the moment
you’re the me

Walking through the forest
of the prison
sea to sea
you’re the lightning
you’re the lovers
you’re the we

And all I’ve done
is run run run
just like the moon
afraid of the sun
oh say can you see?
millennial me
under the gun

Waiting on the telephone
for some welfare
and reprieve
she’s a cancer
to the wealthy
she believes

She’s loaned out her future
for textbook conformity
but the wisdom
in the classes
she can’t see

And save me from this feeling
that I’ve got no keys
but too many locks
yet I’ve never been found
before I was lost
And make me a symphony
with my friends and misery
we know there’s a line
that has been crossed

But all I’ve done
is run run run
just like the moon
afraid of the sun
oh say can you see?
millennial me
under the gun

Blues

Because I stopped the nail guy from putting that awful green on my fingers
I’m typing with blue digits
on my keyboard clicked clacked
home
thinking that I just might have the ticket
stolen
in my new true
sanctuary
where all the words is flowin
knowin hard truths
come come come
don’t know them stupid bitch ass mothafuckahs
love to hear some woooooooooooooords

But me and my blues we just typing the news
Where all the green ghosts they just scatter and lose