The World is changing one thread at a time

Dysphoria - yeah that thing

We all have it. I looked in the mirror this morning, and the first judgment was of course “you need to lose weight to have a less masculine jaw line…” blah blah blah

It can be anything really. But! I don’t know if it’s patented by Monsanto, I have a cure for this peculiar situation that our gender wobbly brains get us into.

Every time you see something in the mirror that you despise or hate or can’t handle, find one other thing that you do like about your body to balance it out. Maybe it’s your eyes, or your smile, or your hair that your girlfriends are always jealous of. Something.

And be proud of that good thing. You can still stand it up next to the “smh” thing, but the good thing usually is just a little bit brighter than the “not-quite-there” thing.

You might smile. And if you do, I will too!

in my dingy-ass bathroom with clown college mirrors.


Transphobic Craigslist

So when you post a personal on Craigslist, this is the first question you have to answer is what type of personal you’re looking for:


OK, so depending on which one you pick, you get another menu when you click ok. Let’s do “Dating, romance (ltr)” first:


OK, Welcome to binary-ville, population not you. I know you can make transgender personals on Craigslist somewhere… Let’s go back and try “casual hookup (nsa)”image

We then get these options:


Hey there I sort of am! Wait, now I’m in the Internet equivalent of putting my phone number on a bar bathroom wall. Fabulous!

Seriously, WTF Craigslist. I get it that there are a ton of closeted men (ie. Chasers) that only want one night stands with transgender women. I wasn’t born yesterday. But, guess what? Some men actually like to be in real relationships with trans women and vice-versa. They’d also like to be able to search for each other without having to dim their screen in public in case the random Ansel Adams worthy dickshot pops up on the screen.

This kind of crap makes my eyes roll out of my head. Can we please fix this? Transgender people do exist, we’re not some sort of ephemeral forest-spirit that appears only when men get drunk and log onto Craigslist.

Harry Benjamin - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia →

Harry Benjamin was probably the founding father of transgender endocrinology. He worked though the twentieth century with many high profile transgender people such as Christine Jorgensen and established the standards of care that are the bedrock of current transgender therapy. Although there are flaws with the model, and it is somewhat dated, any transgender person should acquaint themselves with this pioneer. He led the way to build the thriving worldwide community of transgender people that we have today.

Proof of being transgender

Some people are like “it’s a choice!!” yeah whatever. Well, here’s a little tidbit. I transitioned starting a little over two years ago, and before that I was pretty much an emotional robot. I get it that men are less emotional than women, but my emotionometer was barely lifting the needle.

Now. Now… I have so much god damned emotion that it’s almost unbearable at times. I’m whipped around from left to right. My heart is trampled and then nourished and then broken again. Ohhhh the agony!

But, this seems a lot more like living ought to be than how I was doing before. This is color! and sound! and that was just blah…

Fox News hosts shocked by transgender rights: ‘I can’t get my head around this’ | The Raw Story →

Michelle Malkin is a sad, sad woman. She has robed herself in the phony patriotic flag of fear and hatred to make a buck and pimp her brand. And sad women like Michelle make real hurting girls and boys terribly sad because they are castigated and demeaned daily and ritually by a system that is more interested in conformity than personal expression.

I’m sad for Michelle. She must be terribly self-conscious to have to yell so loudly how correct she is.

Poor, sad Fox News. I’m not being sarcastic, I’m seriously saddened that these people are so filled with confusion and fear that they have to resort to these kinds of histrionics.

Oh well. Sad America lumbers on. Leaving its most beautiful children on the wayside because they don’t “fit.”

In Jamaica, Transgender Teen Killed by Mob →

There is a dark and phobic world in Jamaica. Good to know. I never would have thought about where to travel when I was a white male. Now, I don’t know when I’ll leave the U.S.

Where’s the believer!?

Can a sistah get a Deus Ex Machina about now?! I’m struggling right here trying to make it. I have faith. Deep faith. But, I need some god damn good news! It’s tough. I just wish I could wake up to some honest to goodness, real time, decent news.

I love you all to pieces. I really do. Anyone that reads this is just so special to me. It makes me feel good and connected. This blog has been a life saver for me. If I couldn’t get this shit out here, well…it’s a good thing!



Kicking the transition into high gear! OR Are you sure this parachute is packed properly?


   I just signed up to get some new laser hair removal treatment. We’re going full nuclear radiation on these pesky follicles. No mercy! I down-shifted into neutral with my transition about six months back for a variety of reasons, and it’s time to get back on track. Our government can’t pass a stimulus package, but Abbie is definitely gonna do a transition stimulus to catch up for lost time.

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To my buddies

So basically my <insert special word here> ex decided that I’m a little too raw to raise my own flesh and blood. Seems like the courts of California didn’t have a problem with that argument too. So, quandary.

Should I stay or should I go oh!

I think I’ll keep working on myself up in Portland. Learning how to be the best damn example of a parent I can be. Showing my kids what real freedom and positivity is. Living my life as an example so that they have something to look up to when they get out of the dungeon.

I love you boys. I just can’t win right now. It sucks. Trust me. We’ll catch up soon.

You can call me papa or maddie or Abbie whatever you choose.