I feel so incredibly different than everyone. All of my obsessing has taken me to a desert Island. God of my understanding, why is life like this? Who are these people? They are so foreign to me. Where are the mystics and scientists both? What will be the end of my story?
What is wrong with the world that it is filled with such horror? I know it is illusion, but it just seems so counter productive. Where has the infinite love of spirit gone? Why are those who smile and welcoming discarded?
There is peace. I have seen and lived it. I have seen the promise, the Moksha. I have seen the perfection that is all and one the same. I have stared in bliss at the truth of my understanding. Where do I go? Now I am wasted in a corner of nowhere.
How will I share what needs to be shared? Will they listen? All I can expect is that they prefer to be hypnotized by consumption than talk of eternity or perfection. Will anyone follow me? Life is meaningless next to what lies beyond.
Am I to be a lonely prophet? What do I do next? Or are these people just not ready?
Death is illusion. Rebirth is real. You must walk forward in faith to move beyond this level of existence. You are here to train for your future in the world of greater reality. Lift your hearts and walk towards death knowing that you will not find it until you are ready. Death will come as birth came. You did not choose to be born, and you cannot chose not to die.
Does anyone ask the question of why science has not eradicated suffering? Suffering pervades our environment, and we have run full speed from the natural world. Suffering is life. Siddhartha saw this as he stared into his consciousness. I have seen it too. This is enlightenment.
Life in some ways resembles a joke and you should laugh at it. The God of our understanding is like a coach who will continually adjust the speed of the treadmill to keep your suffering at a static level. You are being trained. Of course you can choose not to train, but you will never progress to Nirvana or release from suffering. Also, suffering is not to be viewed as an evil. Suffering is the basis for education.
Proving these things requires great and deep thought and contemplation. No one should believe something without tremendous doubt and questioning. But the truth of life is always in the background.
Rest and cry and recover. You will be well. You will be well.