The World is changing one thread at a time

Wow being trans is hard

It really is. I usually put up this front, because I have to, but ooh it takes so much out of me. And I’m still going on. And I’m growing. Somehow. You can’t even imagine how hard it is. I never admit it to myself. But I took my cat to the vet, and my cat is stressed!! We’re stressed!! What’s going on?

I’m moving back to California on 1/1/14. Decision. Done. I’m a phoenix. And I’m taking off. I came up here in February of this year. I was broke. I had this harpy awful woman my ex bleeding me dry. And she’s still there. But I got through it. And guess what. I’m better! I’ve cleaned up my shit. I quit drinking! I kicked it! Thanks Portland for that, really! I came here, and I saw the awfulness of addiction, right in the face. It broke my heart. I was scared straight for sure. God I don’t ever want to touch alcohol again, it’s so disgusting for me. It’s over. And I can leave Portland knowing that good old Portland helped me kick it. God bless you PDX.

This post is more like a diary. This real dope. I have a persona for sure. Because I can! Because I’m a woman! And women can have a persona that kicks ass! It’s written in the stars. Women can have a persona. They can be as big and bright and daring and ostentatious as they want to be. Hell Yeah.

Oh man. So, you know what? My life is still all over the place, because I did the unthinkable, and the thinkers done unthunked the shit out of me. Damn they hit me hard. Ouch! Beat me left and right. Like a rag doll. But that female spirit, that eternal spirit, that is deep within me, it cannot be silenced! All you have to do is listen to it, because it is one badass motherfucking woman! It will not let you down. They will try and KILL you! But you keep on walking. And pretty soon.

Well enough with the preaching. Shit. All I can say is that I’ve been hit with some nasty, awful, WTF, is this Biblical?, Whhaaaa? kinda shit, and she keeps on talking and walking and moving my Abbie ass on down the road.

That’s it. This post is over. Bye.

Gosh! Being Transgender Sure is Neat!

It’s so cool when you are talking to a woman on OK Cupid for a long time, and then you casually reveal that you’re trans. And you know, she stops talking to you for some strange reason? How weird! It wouldn’t be such a cooky deal if it didn’t happen say, all the time? How odd!!

Gosh, I sure am perplexed about this here society we have. It’s just a real brain bamboozler! If I weren’t such a straight shootin’ Samantha, I’d think that maybe people just don’t like us transgender women! No….

That’s silly talk.

The Trans Woman’s Secret Weapon!


An Electric Razor

    Sure, a GOOD manual razor is the essential tool when you are still dealing with facial hair. Don’t skimp on the razor. The more blades the better! But, it’s difficult to get certain areas that are also the most prominent, namely the upper lip.
    Upper lip hairs grow downward, as you might have guessed looking at any fine ironic mustache that your compadres are sporting these days. We don’t want that!! So, when you use the manual razor you shave your upper lip from top to bottom, from the nose to the lips. However, you can’t quite get the closest shave going in the direction of the hair growth. Here’s the problem though; if you try and shave upward on your upper lip, you might get some very unsightly razor irritation in exactly the last place you’d want it. This is where the electric razor comes in.
    After I shave and my face is dry, I take my electric and do a very quick and simple once over on my upper lip, lower lip, and chin. You’d be surprised how this can really hide those hairs! And if you’re feeling extra dysphoric you can go over those guys like a gardener on meth with a weedwacker! Die male hairs die!
    OK…I’m back to level. Also, later in the day when you might be getting a shadow, and you don’t want to lather up and shave, you can use the electric razor to do a quick once over. You can even do it over makeup if the foundation is good.
    Lastly, spend a few extra bucks on a good electric razor. It’s going to last a long time. Facial hair removal is one of the longest transition activities that you will do, trust me. Unless you transition at 17, and you have nary a hair on your fair and soft face, you’re going to have to have laser and/or electrolysis.
    Go destroy those dysphoria inducing man hairs!

Do any of you have any other suggestions or ideas?

Transitioning Took All My Material Possessions

All I took when I left the hatred and loathing of my ex and family to transition was my clothes and my car. I took on massive debt to finalize the divorce. I was forced to pay $1000/month in extra support payments. I was forced to pay $15,000 of her legal fees. I don’t like talking about this part of my life because it might expose my kids, but it is a terrible parable of what trans people go through.

I’m an engineer and I had to go through bankruptcy, and I can’t afford my own apartment. But I’m building and fighting to grow and build a new foundation to be a parent and powerful, strong woman. And my boys will learn from me and their grandmother and great grandmother how to be champions of women.

I’m not turning back. I’m running towards empowerment. A chain and shackle is falling off every day. I can’t wait to see where I get and where my sisters, trans and cis, get.

Dysphoria - yeah that thing

We all have it. I looked in the mirror this morning, and the first judgment was of course “you need to lose weight to have a less masculine jaw line…” blah blah blah

It can be anything really. But! I don’t know if it’s patented by Monsanto, I have a cure for this peculiar situation that our gender wobbly brains get us into.

Every time you see something in the mirror that you despise or hate or can’t handle, find one other thing that you do like about your body to balance it out. Maybe it’s your eyes, or your smile, or your hair that your girlfriends are always jealous of. Something.

And be proud of that good thing. You can still stand it up next to the “smh” thing, but the good thing usually is just a little bit brighter than the “not-quite-there” thing.

You might smile. And if you do, I will too!

in my dingy-ass bathroom with clown college mirrors.


Transphobic Craigslist

So when you post a personal on Craigslist, this is the first question you have to answer is what type of personal you’re looking for:


OK, so depending on which one you pick, you get another menu when you click ok. Let’s do “Dating, romance (ltr)” first:


OK, Welcome to binary-ville, population not you. I know you can make transgender personals on Craigslist somewhere… Let’s go back and try “casual hookup (nsa)”image

We then get these options:


Hey there I sort of am! Wait, now I’m in the Internet equivalent of putting my phone number on a bar bathroom wall. Fabulous!

Seriously, WTF Craigslist. I get it that there are a ton of closeted men (ie. Chasers) that only want one night stands with transgender women. I wasn’t born yesterday. But, guess what? Some men actually like to be in real relationships with trans women and vice-versa. They’d also like to be able to search for each other without having to dim their screen in public in case the random Ansel Adams worthy dickshot pops up on the screen.

This kind of crap makes my eyes roll out of my head. Can we please fix this? Transgender people do exist, we’re not some sort of ephemeral forest-spirit that appears only when men get drunk and log onto Craigslist.

Shaming Men Attracted to Trans Women & Its Harmful Effects | Janet Mock →

It’s true. I gave up trying to meet men after I realized the ridiculous sexual politics involved. I live my life out in the open. I can’t live with some sort of “hidden” relationship. That is a deal breaker for me. But, I still can’t really find anyone. I did have one woman that I had a crush on say “it hurts my brain to think about being attracted to you,” even though she obviously was. She was speaking to the social stigma, and I think she was a little tipsy when she said it, so I’ll give her a pass. Granted, she was a young, and very naive girl. With her I learned that social stigma is often too much to fight through. I tried to win her over through it, but it only ended up exhausting me. It takes a bold and wise person to operate outside of the narrow political strictures of “the rules of love” in America.

I wish that men and women, who are definitely attracted to trans women, could and would be able to express this desire openly and without stigma.

Maybe this will come next, after we as a people get over not being beaten, murdered, or shamed into suicide. Baby steps…

my life as a transsexual: So you wanna transition from male to female? →




Step 1. Become a Professional Shaver, like AAA certified Shaving Master.


True fucking story……

I’m not sure whether I agree or not. It just depends on your beard growth. I know guys with little to no visible beard shadow or even beard growth…

Well, I guess I do have to count myself among the “lucky” when I say that my body hair is not as much as yours. I have had 7 laser treatments, and I still have to shave. I need to get back under the laser, but funds have been tight.

I feel for those with much greater hair growth problems than I. :(

Oh, it’s 6am, should I go to the local coffee shop before or after I shave? Hmm…

The crazy mixed up lives of the 21st century transgender girls!

(via ninafelwitch)

Where’s the believer!?

Can a sistah get a Deus Ex Machina about now?! I’m struggling right here trying to make it. I have faith. Deep faith. But, I need some god damn good news! It’s tough. I just wish I could wake up to some honest to goodness, real time, decent news.

I love you all to pieces. I really do. Anyone that reads this is just so special to me. It makes me feel good and connected. This blog has been a life saver for me. If I couldn’t get this shit out here, well…it’s a good thing!




I’ve suffered so much. It’s been unbearable. It really has. What’s been done to me by my ex is just unfathomable. She stabbed me emotionally and I’ve had to totally regroup and put my shit together. I don’t really share a lot of the sordid details with my blog for some strange reason. But it’s been a total living nightmare for 2 years. Oh my god what she’s done to me. Awful, awful shit. Using my children as a weapon? Are you serious? That’s the move that you’ve chosen? You’re going to pay for this shit. It’s child abuse.

So I’m coming down to this little burg called Ventura, where I’m going to set up a fabulous new life for myself within my means of course. And just coincidentally the courthouse is in Ventura! Who knew? So I’m going to be in that place a lot. Perfect situation, it’s almost like it was planned that way or something?

Whatever. So life marches on! And it’s going to be what it’s going to be.

I believe very strongly in forgiveness, but when a situation is actively awful, something has to be done about it. Then the forgiveness comes.

I hope we can work things out!

Abbie :)

TSA Body Scanners are Transphobic!

So if you’ve flown in the past year or two, you know about the body scanners. They basically take a low radiation scan of your body to see if you are hiding anything. Well, there is a Male (blue) and Female (pink) button for the operator to push when you walk in the middle. The first time I did it, they did female as requested. I set off the alerts! Well, maybe I don’t have the “perfect” female body, but…

I think the Body Scanners are transphobic! Robot Overlords I’m looking in your direction! We need a purple trans button!

Just request a pat down. They actually do a good job with trans people from my experience. 

Off I go to California tomorrow. I’ll give the body scanners stink eye for all of us.

If you can’t tell I’m being sarcastic part II yay…

Isn’t it like so cute when gay men call their gay friends she and girl, like as in “OMG, she went there!” but then they can’t get pronouns right for trans people?


I think being trans female and being above average tall is so cool! Women are always like “I wish I was as tall as you!” “I hate being short!”

Right on!

I think it’s really progressive that TV shows are showing characters interacting with trans women, even if they vomit for 10 minutes after kissing one.