Be careful if you start studying philosophy. That’s one rabbit hole you’ll never make it out of. Plus you’ll have to hang out with the Cheshire cat, and he’s pretty much a total dick.
A bust of Zeno of Citium
I think I’m going to study Stoicism for a while. It has similarities to Buddhism, and it was influenced heavily by the Cynical school created by Diogenes of Sinope when he taught Crates his philosophy which was passed on to Zeno of Citium who founded Stoicism, so that fires me up. Diogenes is currently one of my faves. Interestingly, when one examines the etymology of these terms, Cynic, the word, means doglike in ancient Greek. Cynical is a Latin translation of the Greek Kunikos which comes from the root Kuon, translated as “dog.” Diogenes admired the personality of the dog for its honesty and naturalism and ability to easily distinguish between friend of foe.
The Stoics believed in an enlightened individual which bears a resemblance to Siddhartha Gautama’s philosophy (Buddhism) of acceptance of the natural state of the universe and the resulting imperative to act accordingly.
This is my chosen philosophy. I believe that suffering is not to be feared. I believe that death should be accepted as a natural component of reality. I believe that the soul is immortal and cannot be dissolved or destroyed and is reborn upon death in a new life. Life is ultimately a trial and should be accepted as so. This is not to say that the metaphysical reality must exist this way. Ultimately, metaphysics is unknowable for the present state of man, but he or she creates mythologies to serve as analogies for its existence.
I’m aware of the fact that I’m out of step with modern popular philosophy, but the modern way of thinking was established in diametric opposition to the “pagan” beliefs of the ancients when Christianity became the official religion of the Roman Empire. Yes, there are adherents of my philosophy, but they are not the majority. I won’t go into what I believe about modern Judeo-Christian philosophy. Suffice to say, it is not terrible in its roots, but the modern variety is a misunderstanding of the original philosophy of Jesus and the prior prophets and philosophers, and it is flawed in its basic tenets.
So, I want to learn more from the Stoic philosophers.
I suppose I’ll write a prose piece. I’ve been consumed with poetry the last few days. Writing simple poetry helps me make sense of the world. I tried to make it to a therapist on Thursday, but I couldn’t make it out of bed. I was too mentally exhausted to get some verbal medicine that would possibly cure my mental exhaustion, but I just laid in bed and drank.
Many fellow transgender people that read my blog malign their existence because they cannot pass as female. I’m tired for more simple reasons I suppose. My family relations have fallen apart in the last month. I was mugged on Christmas Eve in Bakersfield, California after I left a bar. I hadn’t told my family that I’d been drinking again. I kept it from them because I didn’t make waves, but waves follow me like the tide always returns to cover the beach.
Being a rebel or martyr or whatever is tough shit, let me tell you. I ran into my old roommate tonight at a bar on Alberta Street in Portland, and she was talking about “work versus ideals” or something like that. Basically, she was pontificating about how it’s vital to do something important with your life. They were weird and all over me like I was some sort of messiah; it was bizarre. I think she reads this, but I don’t care. I told them straight up that I quit my job, my six figure job. I walk the talk. I don’t just do some sort of free-form expressive stream of consciousness on the importance of living your dream while you still work in drudge-ville. I did it. So how do I feel? Like shit. That’s how I feel. It sucks. Being idealistic is hard shit; no wonder no one does it. It’s confusing and crazy, and it makes your head spin.
I’m listening to Nick Drake to try and survive. A good friend filled a void today; that was nice. I have a therapist appointment on Thursday. I was suicidal this morning. I probably freaked out a few friends with that. I freaked myself out with it. I’m like a thrown rock skipping against the water, each skip shorter than the last.
Speaking of Nick Drake. He wrote some beautiful music, and then he died of a medication overdose, mired in depression. He was only 26 when he died. Do you think he died because of some sort of birth defect or random quirk of DNA? No, he died because he was tired. Depression is biochemical, yes, but it’s also philosophical. He looked at the world and was depressed. He didn’t fit. I don’t fit. I’m hanging on. He tried to hang on as long as he could, being the bright shining star that he was. HEAR ME NOW, the people you see on magazine covers aren’t bright shining stars. They are Photoshopped and marketed to be important people, but they aren’t. They are random faces on a conveyor belt. The real bright shining stars are muffled and drowned out because they challenge the banal status quo.
So, where do I go from here? I’m not saying I’m a bright shining star, that’s for you to decide, but I do burn, and I burn hot. All I can do is keep speaking my honest truth. That’s all I have left. That’s all I will post.
I spend a lot of time soap-boxing. I don’t know if that’s what people want to hear. I write this thing with very little consideration of the reader, for better or worse. I spend a LOT of time blogging. It’s amazing when I finish writing some piece that took me like 2 hours, and I think “I never spend two consecutive hours doing anything.” I guess this is passion. Writing is essentially thinking. It is the art of selecting the best semantic symbols out of tens of thousands for an idea and then combining them to make an even more complicated idea. I suppose it’s an art and a science; I’m glad I had to diagram sentences in seventh grade; it makes my writing more precise. I just used two semi-colons in one sentence with three clauses. I don’t know if I’ve ever done that. Something new! Now, I just wrote a fragment as a sentence. That was poor form, but I don’t like strict grammar rules.
I’m still trying to figure out how I feel about being thrust ahead of everyone else in terms of understanding the world by my studies and experiences. It might sound arrogant, but I’d use a word with less of a pejorative meaning. I just started listening to myself over others from a very young age. I tried to conform in my twenties, but that was a failure, and I’ve never really looked back from there.
Anyway, my understanding of the universe feels like it’s ahead of 99% of people, and I’m not terribly smarter than average. I suck at reading books; I can hardly concentrate without getting lost in thoughts and realizing I just “read” 3 pages that I can’t even remember. My math skills aren’t amazing, but I know where to go for answers. I can’t program worth a damn except for scripting. But, because I listen to my own conscience, I’ve been able to throw a lot of terrible, time-wasting, and self-destructive ideas out.
I had a conversation today with a friend of mine, and it made me think. I started to think about my history with the church which I’ve largely blocked out. My dad was a pastor for a while when I was about 1-5 years old. I come from a long line of pastors. My great-great x6 or so grandfather was Richard Waterman, a first wave colonist landing in about 1630 in New England. He co-founded the first Baptist Church in America in Providence Rhode Island. My religious heritage and upbringing has hurt, helped, and molded me as a transgender woman in ways I respect and in many ways I’m trying to heal.
Who wants to be normal? To strive to be normal means you only cherish the tiny sliver of humanity’s history in which you live. The whole of history is the aching, meandering path to now. Respect humanity; live as a citizen of the world, past and present and future.
If I chose to be normal, I would know nothing of what I know now. If you step off of the path, the world is yours to explore.
So where was I? Oh yeah, the crushing deism without a de that has been hobbling the minds of our thinkers for the past four hundred years. Strict materialism and rationalism are dead, dead ends. Give it up.
So, here’s where is gets a little wishy washy. Religion and Philosophy are connected! Yes I know it’s hard for you to process, but it’s true. Our modern day religions are more like corporate cult paradigms or whatever you want to label them. The things that average people believe would make poor Galileo cry. Most people have zero understanding of the basics of philosophy, even the physicists! It’s so sad when a physicist can’t even mutter some basic philosophy 101. There are great physicists, don’t get me wrong at all! But on the average, I’d give it a meh.
So, my premise is that if you can’t establish a core metaphysics, epistemology, and ontology, you have no ground to stand on. If you address these simple things, in clear concise conjectures, you can actually make some sense. This is what I believe.
Let’s start with epistemology. Logic is perfect. It’s self reinforcing. It’s a tool for comparing and weighing concepts which can become abstract and difficult to manage. So it requires an astute mind to apprehend. Using logic is like playing a musical instrument. Some people can play a few chords, and other people can play Bach. Most intelligent and educated people are well schooled in logic and have little problem avoiding clear contradictions and such.
So metaphysics and ontology are a bit of overlappers. What is is? What’s the stuff? The meat. Strict materialists who like to dance under Newton’s tree and ascribe all that is to bits of stuff are clearly en vogue. Science or Scientism has grown into a belief system of its own. Its worshippers don’t understand philosophy. So they’re not really worth talking about. I’m rambling.
OK, so we’re going to have to have a revolution in thinking about physics to the core. Basically, it’s going to challenge all percepts of thought including consciousness and reality. The physicists are obsessed with finding smaller and smaller bits of pieces of stuff to label and gawk at, but they can’t take a step back and see the forest for the trees. They are afraid to challenge their own psychology with thinking about philosophy. They are like children, scared of the unknown. To understand the whole big picture, you must have a complete understanding of physics, philosophy, psychology, and daresay Religion. Without merging them together, you get a myopic mess of structuralism that turns into the balkanized landscape of the modern humanities. Everyone has their little fort to protect. They can’t see outside of their little fort, but by God, they’ll protect that fort till hell or high water!
I studied a lot of Objectivism in my twenties, you know Ayn Rand and all, and I think she got about 80% of the picture done. She just failed miserably in the 20% and the rest is history. I respect the 80%, but A is not A dear. But what I did glean from this study is the idea of objective truth. That is the thing! That is it!
I guess you could call real philosophy Objectivism if she hadn’t marred it like she did, but she was coming out of Stalin’s loony land and was a little scarred from it. I guess I’ll post here.
People are living in the dark ages. I have figured out everything beyond the stupid Newtonian nonsense that these ivory tower idiots profess. There is an energy field like the Chinese have known since well ever, and you access it through your bioelectrochemical energy field. It’s not hard. Animals do it. That’s why they have sixth senses. Humans have been brainwashed by rationalism into turning off all intuitive capacities of their being. They are simply retarded. They want to be computers. But computers are not alive.
The western world is a sad joke. There are no Aristotles or Galileos because we have turned off that part of our being. I have turned it back on. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. You can’t understand the Renaissance without understanding the metaphysical underpinnings that surrounded its thinkers. They were bathed in spiritualism from the “dark ages” where we as a species tried to well do magic and shit. And you know what? There is magic and shit! How bizarre.
So anyway, Galileo Galilei was a mystic! Whaaaaa? He believed in God. How about that. I can cite it, but whatever. The strict atomist/materialist atheism that is choking our philosophy has to die a horrible death. It’s just deism with a hangover.
I’m just getting started. I need to take a break. I’ll be back in a few.
The Future is what we make of it. We are here, crystalline beings trying to navigate the field. We must use the field to grow. The striking thing about all of this is that in ancient China they had already figured this stuff out. Now we Westerners or the descendants thereof have to bring it all together. We will understand that there is an energy field that surrounds all of us. It is, and it always has been. This will be the new age of reason and science. The marriage of time and perspective. It will come. I’m just putting my two cents here. Everything will fall into perfect harmony. There will be no wars because they are not needed. The field is the thing that will revolutionize all esoteric ventures far and wide, large and small.
In the end of the beginning, we will be like little green shoots of grass, growing up towards an open endless sky. The new generation is here. It’s already started. Just look on your computer.
Above all smile and be happy. This is the new day. All is good for now until ever ever.
"When you are studying any matter or considering any philosophy, ask yourself only what are the facts and what is the truths that the facts bear out? Never let yourself be diverted either by what you wish to believe or by what you think would have benefits on social effects if it were believed".
"Love is wise, hatred is foolish"
"We have to learn to tolerate each other. We have to learn to put up with the fact that some people say things that we don’t like".
"If we are to live together and not die together, we must learn the kind of charity and the kind of tolerance which is absolutely vital to the continuation of human life on this planet".
Wise words from a wise man. Life isn’t all that hard. Be honest. Follow love. Abhor hate.